JOY , HOPE, and LOVE

Dear God,

Thank you for the one who is reading these words right now.

I'm so glad that wherever they are, you are there too.



Today I ask that you would bring JOY--

the kind that comes from deep inside

and stays despite our circumstances.

You know what's on their heart today,

those worries that keep coming back.

Lift the burdens from their shoulders,

carry them for them...and please carry him or her too.



I also pray that you would bring HOPE--

the kind that is so much bigger than blue skies,

the sort of hope that sees us through the storms

and walks us into the light of a better, brighter day.

If their belief is sagging or their spirit weary

give them strength to press on to all you have .



And, most of all, I pray for LOVE in life--

the kind that is unconditional, real, healing

and gives us the courage to become

all you made us to be because we know

we're deeply loved just as we are now.



Please let us feel your Presence and these prayers

with us right now, in this moment.

Thank you for being with us always as you promised.



Amen.

The EVIL eyes and other scary faces by Hannah

Hannah was acting goofy last night-- and kept making this face-- I started calling it the "evil eyes", and she would keep doing it. Then she got real goofy and really can make some scarey faces--- not my little princess-- I always knew she wasn't exactly a princess, but I can always hope :)


v

winter in October

This fall has not seemed like fall yet. It has snowed already in October. I typically love this time of year, but the snow has set me back a little.

It is all melted now, and this weekend has been delightfully nice, but not alot of ambition to go outside and get anything accomplished, since it's my weekend to work. I have the next 2 weekends off, and most of the week now, to get outside. I hope the weather stays nice and fall like. The snow can hold off for a few more weeks anyway. Lots of yard work to get cleaned up and things put away for winter is fast approaching.

Talking about winter, it seems as though we've been in the flu season for months, the way the kids in the schools have been sick already. Bailey had the flu virus the end of September already. Bailey is usually pretty healthy, if he gets a stuffy nose for a few days, that's about all he's had in years. He does have to deal with his headaches fairly regularly, and once or twice a year will get sick to his stomach because of a migraine, but nothing flu related has ever surfaced for him in a very long time. It hit him pretty hard this year already with a fever, tired, stuffy nose and coughing, not to mention many more headaches in a weeks time. He recovered after missing a full week of school. Still coughs off and on, so hopefully it stays away until he can get the flu shot later this week.
Hannah then got the influenza virus about 2 weeks later, after having a slight case of a cold the week before Bailey even got sick. She seemed to get over that quickly without a fever, and mild symptoms. Then after Bailey had it, it hit Hannah harder again. All the same stuf as Bailey had, fever, coughing, tired, but she had severe tummy aches, and there was a day where she wouldn't eat or drink, high fever, and then her tummy aches were bad enough that she started throwing up.

Bailey was easy to take care of, he just laid on the couch, drank tons, ate some, took his meds when I offered them....even the cough meds which he hated, he took and then just drank something to get rid of the taste. He passed the time watching TV ,playing video games and working on his massive amounts of homework.
Hannah on the other hand, refused to take any meds--so she had a fever longer, coughed more, and wouldn't take the Tamiflu the doctor prescribed for the virus. She seemed to feel better on her own time without the meds which I'm glad for, and even though she is also still coughing, feels much better after about a week as well. It was a short week at school last week, so she only missed 3 days, and had Thurs, Fri and now Monday off of school to continue to get better. She also will get the flu shot this week, and have her 8 yr old check up. She lost some weight being sick, and just that few pounds is so dramatic on her body. She was almost 53 pounds at her diabetes check up the week before and when I took her in to be checked when she got sick, she was back down to 50 lbs. After her fever was gone, she perked up, and started back drinking and eating some. I have to watch her more closely, frequent blood sugar testing, and avoiding insulin, until I know she will eat. Fluids have to be carb free, unless I know she is low, which most times the sickness will cause increased BS. She stayed pretty steady in the normal range since she wasn't consuming many carbs. Once she started eating again I had to keep more on top of things again. The TV didn't occupy her for very long, and she was bugging me that she was bored. She is more of a hands on, play with me kid, so we had to come up with ideas to keep her occupied, even though I wanted her to rest and take naps, that wasn't her idea of keeping occupied.
So seemlingly things are better now, and I hope it stays that way for awhile.

Hockey is in full swing for Bailey and he has practice "seems" like everyday. Team tryouts are coming up the week of the 25th. They will be having a Peewee A and a C team this year. Bailey is not sure this year where he will land, he's kinda in the middle could go either way. Some of his friends will be on the C team, and he also thinks if he's on the A team it will be a more frustrating year, but yet a good challenge. He's been playing with all these kids for 6 years, but he's the 1st yr peewee, so some of the kids are a year older, and played Peewee last year.... we'll see how it goes. I just hope for a fun year for him.


Hannah got her ears pierced a week ago Sat. My parents were in town for grandparents day at school and that weekend we went to the mall in St Cloud, among other places. When she found out we'd be going to the mall, I suggested-- like I've been kidding for awhile, "wanna get your ears pierced?". She looked at me, and decided pretty quickly, yes she did want to. I was shocked, and kinda just said ok, we'll see. She continued to get excited to do it. She was very nervous-- but went though with it and grandma and grandpa even got to witness it. I avoided eye contact with her after she was up in the chair, because I didnt' want her to change her mind that far into it, like she's done twice in the past. I just stood in front of her held her hands...... 1,2,3.....it's done. She teared up, but was brave. She was happy, before we left the store. She loves her new earrings.




Just a goofy pic of Hannah's hair all braided-- and then gets kinky the next morning. :)


random picture of Bailey and the pets hanging out :)

another visit to the diabetes clinic

Hannah's diabetes appt went good today. It was good to finally sit down and talk with someone who understands what's going on, and can help me. We saw a CNP, today and not her endocrinologist, which was fine. I liked her too. Found out her A1C is still high, 8.0% last time-- 8.5% this time. Goal is 6.5-7.0%. It just means her overall average blood sugar in 3 months is still in the mid 200's. Although the meter results indicated her average was 186, I forgot to bring the school meter, which had alot of high's on it as well and would have brought that average up some.

Each time I get a print out of about 6 pages, showing her levels for a month, the averages, the number of highs, normals, lows, percentages of each, and weight and height growth, etc. Alot of information.
She is 52.6 lbs, and 50 1/8 inches. She has grown so much in a year. Last December when she was diagnosed she was 42 lbs, and about 48 1/2 inches. She is in the 75th percentile for height and 25th percentile for weight.
Tall and thin--where does she get that from?? Emery's I guess-- he he.

We talked at length about doses, carbs and her daily routine and changed a few things. Mostly the at school stuff, and then the bedtime routine is changed a bit. She is most likely out of the "honeymoon" phase now, and is no longer producing any insulin. She said where as in the beginning we could get away with giving her a few extra carbs or a snack because her body was still producing a little insulin....now we have to watch the carbs more and give her insulin accordingly. She said we are doing a good job though.
At school she was being tested before PE at like 9am or so, and sometimes the nurse was giving her carbs if she was 200 or below, for the exercise. ( which with the limited exercise of 2nd grade PE she was probably getting too high with the extra carbs already) and then at snack time at 10am was getting milk and snack which is about 20-25 grams, and no insulin.

So now she wont be tested before PE and instead at 10am snack time, which will then be an accurate test, where as before PE is was not.
( tests are not considered accurate, if tested before 3 hrs because the insulin is still working in her body for up to 3 hrs.)
I am not really worried about her getting too low in PE, and we need to worry more about covering her carbs at snack, so she is not so high at lunch. The nurse won't have to test her at lunch then, ( since it's only 2 hrs after snack time)-- but will just cover her lunch with insulin and I will test her when she comes home from school to see how it all works.
Her doses stayed the same, from what I changed them too over the last hectic month, so I guess I did pretty good there. May have to change the lunch dose a bit if the morning routine, still brings her after school levels still too high.

Things have been looking better the last week or so, but still gets quite a
few 200's or higher, so I knew there was still something else we needed to do.

Then at bedtime, she always wants a snack that we hardly ever give her insulin for, unless she is pretty high already and wants a snack. Then I test her at 12-1am, which isn't fun to wake up and wake her up.
So now, we'll give her whatever she wants for a snack at about 7pm, give her insulin for it and I will wake her to test her at about 10pm for awhile to see how that works. After we pretty much know how her body will handle the snack and insulin dose, she should be good all night then, as the Lantus dose is working for now at keeping her morning levels always pretty good. It'll be a little playing around with doses again and frequent testing.

Basiclly we just need to change things up a bit in our routine, so that everything she eats is covered with insulin. We've been a little lax, I think, with giving her extra carbs.

So hopefully this will get a little easier after getting into a new routine. Once we get this figured out (hopefully soon) then this winter I think we'll be doing the pump, and seemingly starting all over.

Her next appt is January 14, at 9am, with her endocrinologist, and they will do annual blood tests-- thyroid, kidney function, etc, which they did in the hospital in December last year.

We are getting through, one day at a time, I just wish...... well you know.
I am thankful, that even though insulin is not a cure, that it is keeping her alive and well. I thank God for her.

Keaton helping himself to a glass of water

A funny picture of Keaton drinking from a glass of water I had sitting next to me at the computer desk. He just helped himself to the fresh cold water. Funny part was it was almost gone, so he really had to work for the water near the bottom of the glass...and no, I didn't drink from the glass anymore after that.

A Marriage Takes Three

"Marriage takes three to be complete
It's not enough for two to meet.
They must be united in love
By love's Creator, God above.

Then their love will be firm and strong
Able to last when things go wrong
Because they've felt God's love and know
He's always there, He'll never let go.

And they have both loved Him in kind
With all the heart and soul and mind;
And in that love they've found the way
To love each other every day.

A marriage that follows God's plan
Takes more than just a woman and man.
It needs a oneness that can be
Only from Christ--
A marriage takes three."

-Beth Stuckwisch, 1984


Steve and I at my sister Lisa and Wil's wedding(Sept 3, 2005) almost 8 years after our wedding.


A blast from the past......September 27, 1997.

Diabetes- "A Little Bit Longer and I'll be Fine"

Diabetes is a very complicated and overwhelming disease, and I know this firsthand. Many of the things I've learned over the past 10 months, are very much new to me as well. I used to view diabetes in very general terms only knowing of what I know now to be called, Type 2.
I've seen diabetes in dogs and cats in practice as a veterinary technician and it's actually very common. The animals we treated had symptoms similiar to Type 2 diabetics in humans. They presented with symptoms of drinking alot and peeing alot, and most would present overweight. We would test their blood and urine, much like in people and test for glucose and ketones. We then put these animals with a high blood glucose level on insulin twice a day, and also put them on a strict diet, usually a prescription veterinary diet with high fiber and low carbs, and usually low calorie as well.
Up until last year that is what I knew of diabetes not even realizing there were 2 types. I learned about Type 1 very quickly as Hannah was diagnosed with something I knew little about, but knew enough about to sense her symptoms were diabetic related and acted quickly on my instincts.

So first of all.....

What is diabetes?

It is a condition, whether it be type 1 or type 2, which the body cannot use the sugar, from food that is eaten. The body doesn't make(type 1)
or properly use (type 2) a natural hormone produced in the pancreas, called insulin. When you eat, the carbs in your food are broken down into a type of sugar, called glucose, which your body uses for energy. Insulin helps cells throughout the body absorb the sugar from the bloodstream.

If you have diabetes, your body cannot use the sugar, either because it doesnt' make insulin (type 1) or the insulin it makes doesn't work right (type 2).
Since the sugar is not absorbed into the body, it goes into the urine and leaves the body. The cells of the body are not able to use the sugar and begin to starve. Insulin must be given to lower the sugar in the blood and the body is then able to use the sugar for energy.

The two types of diabetes

Type 1 --is also called juvenile onset or insulin dependant diabetes.
With Type 1 diabetes:

* the pancreas stops making insulin. They do not know exactly why this happens, but it an autoimmmune process, the immune system makes a mistake and destroys the insulin making cells in the pancreas, usually diagnosed in children.

* insulin must be given to treat
Insulin is a protein; if taken by mouth it would be digested and therefore not effective. Therefore people with type 1 require insulin injections daily.

Type 2--is also called adult onset or non insulin dependant diabetes
With Type 2 diabetes:

* the pancreas produces insulin, but the insulin doesn't work properly in the body. They are resistant to the insulin they do make. Often people with Type 2 can control their blood sugars with oral medication, exercise and diet changes. A combination of these 3 can help the pancreas make more insulin and help it work better in the body.
If the pancreas still cannot keep up with the high insulin demands, insulin injections may be needed.

* there are risk factors for type 2 that people can control, unlike type 1, which is an autoimmune attack on the pancreas keeping it from producing insulin at all.
These high risk lifestyle factors associated with type 2, include inactivity, and a high fat, high sugar diet. A person can reverse a type 2 diagnosis, by changing their diet and exercise but with type 1, it is an immune response and is not reversable, and insulin injections are needed for a lifetime.


Causes of Type 1

Type 1 sometimes runs in families, however, the majority of people diagnosed have no close relative with type 1 diabetes. It is NOT caused by eating or drinking too much sugar. Sometimes an illness where the immune system is surpressed, such a a cold or the flu can make the symptoms of diabetes more obvious. There is nothing you can do to stop Type 1 diabetes from developing.
People with type 1 develop anitbodies to the insulin producing cells in the pancreas. These antibodies signal that those cells are being destroyed. They do not know why these antibodies appear. They do know that replacing insulin usually produced in the body with insulin injections will help the body use food for energy and stay healthy.

What are carbohydrates ?

Carbohydrates (carbs) are a component of food. Starch and sugar are carbohydrates. Starch is in breads, pasta, cereals, potatoes, beans, and peas. Natural sugars are in fruits, milk and vegatables. Added sugars are in desserts, candy, jams, and syrups. All carbs eaten are converted to a type of sugar in the blood called glucose. Glucose supplies your body with energy. Your body needs insulin to use this energy.
With type 1 diabetes it invloves carb counting, in type 2 it involves limiting sugar and fat in the diet which helps the insulin they do produce work more efficiantly in the body.
Carb counting is a process of adding up the carbohydrate content of a meal or snack, and using that total with a insulin ratio (a dose prescribed by a doctor) to calculate the insulin dose for each meal or snack. Because there is no insulin being produced at all in the body, type 1 diabetics have to be precise in gaining control of their blood sugars and what they eat vs how much insulin they get. Carbs are the main source of high blood sugars in type 1 diabetics.
For all people, including type 1 or 2 diabetics, a healthy diet is important. Avoiding sugar/carbs and too many empty calories is just a healthy way to live. With Type 1 however, since they need insulin for everything they eat to keep their blood sugar in range, the carbs in sweets and things with alot of fat and sugar, should be avoided if possible, however cookies, candy, cake, etc are all calculated into their insulin vs carbs ratio before they even consume the carbs or sugars, and they are covered with an insulin injection based on the carbs in the item.
There are sugar free cookies and candy, and things that can be made without sugar using a sugar substitute, but the carbs involved in all, are still high at about 20-30 grams,(based on size) which also would raise a type 1's blood sugar drasticly even without the added sugar involved. Calculating carbs vs insulin is what keeps a type 1 diabetics blood sugar under control. Both types need frequent blood glucose testing, but with type 1, it is about every 3 hours, after the rapid acting insulin in the blood is no longer effective. Testing is right away in the morning, at every meal or snack at bedtime, and sometimes during the night.

Type 1 Insulin:

Lantus, basil insulin:
a long acting insulin that is given once a day, at the same time every day, and is meant to meet the metabolic needs of the body, helping keep blood sugars steady over 24 hrs.

Novalog, bolus insulin:
is given whenever carbs are eaten and lasts in the body about 3 hrs. The blood sugar will start to rise within 10 minutes, of eating and short acting insulin is needed at this time to allow the body to use the glucose for energy and bring the sugar back down to target range. The meal bolus is described as units of insulin per total grams of carbs. Meal boluses vary from person to person, and may even vary meal to meal at different times of the day. The basic guideline in treating type 1 is to cover all carbs all the of the time with the meal bolus ( which is the carbs vs insulin ratio determined for each person).

Correction bolus:
using the Novalog, a correction bolus is needed when the blood sugar is high at a time when it's not expected-- in the morning, before meals, or overnight. It is a predetermined scale to give a extra dose of insulin to bring the blood sugar back into target range, also may include a meal dose added to the correction.

Are you overwhelmed yet?
I hope that I have given you a better understanding of diabetes and what we as Hannah's parents and Hannah have to deal with daily. Insulin is not a cure, only a treatment to keep her body going every day. Some days are a stuggle, but every day we a just thankful for having Hannah with us.

Letters will be going out in October sometime, so stay tuned for our upcoming JDRF Walk to Cure Diabetes (Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation) we will be participating in this year at the Mall of America, on February 27, 2010.
We have a team started called "Hannah's Hopeful Hearts". To register to walk with us and help to raise money for a cure go to-- www.jdrf.org, and type in Hannah Emery or our team name and we'd be honored if you join us in the walk.
The walk lasts about an hour and includes over 15,000 people fighting for a cure.
If you can't be there to walk, please consider a donation to the JDRF, for team Hannah's Hopeful Hearts, and that can be done, either online or it can be mailed to us and we will personally deliver it on walk day. No fundraising is necessary to walk, but if you raise $100 for JDRF and walk with us you will recieve a t-shirt.

Questions email me: ssbh.emery4@hotmail.com